


Enough

by mrswellrested



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26953954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrswellrested/pseuds/mrswellrested
Summary: Based on the episode "Signature" (s9e12) Olivia just wants to forget the things she saw. EO. TW inside.
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Elliot Stabler
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: A short post-episode one-shot. Episode: s09e12: Signature.
> 
> Originally posted on ffn under the same username.
> 
> Trigger Warning: Suicide  
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Her ears were still ringing.

Olivia couldn't get the image of Agent Cooper putting the gun to her head and pulling the trigger out of her mind. The smell of gunpowder, the flash, the bang, the blood splattering on the walls, it was all still playing over and over in her head. Even the scream that left her own mouth echoed in her mind.

Cragen sent her and Lake home after they gave their statements to both the NYPD and the FBI. She was ordered not to come back for a full day. She didn't need to be told twice. Once she got home she sat at the bottom of her shower and cried as the scalding hot water washed over her. It felt like she didn't do enough. She could have stopped Lauren. She could have saved the younger woman. There could have been a different end to everything.

"Those who fight monsters should make damn sure they don't become one."

Olivia understood what she meant. She understood every action Cooper had taken even if it had been wrong. Cooper would have done anything to end the life of the sick bastard that caused her mentor to give up his own. Olivia understood that fury and that need for revenge.

But things didn't have to end with more death.

She couldn't cry any more tears by the time she got out of the shower. Instead, she dressed and went to the kitchen looking for a method of relief. She chose the bourbon over the wine and sat down on her couch with the whole bottle. She twisted open the cap and raised the bottle to her lips.

The burning sensation in her now raw throat was a welcomed distraction. The warmth from the liquid began to find its way through her body. She took another gulp of the liquid and allowed it to work through her, giving her a buzz. She knew drinking wouldn't make her forget. It never solved problems. It didn't work for her mother, after all. Alcohol was a depressant, if anything, it would probably make her feel worse. Olivia didn't care though. She just wanted to forget just tonight. That would be enough.

She raised the bottle to her lips again after a while when four knocks came from her door.

"Liv, it's me, open up."

Elliot. He must have just gotten back from Montreal.

Olivia didn't move from her spot on the couch. She hoped maybe he would think she went to sleep or simply wasn't home and would leave. She couldn't face anyone else, especially not Elliot.

But at the same time, all she wanted was Elliot to be there by her side.

"Liv, I know you're in there. I'm not leaving until you open the door."

Olivia sighed and shook her head. Stubborn bastard, she thought as she pushed herself up from the couch and padded across her dark apartment, swaying slightly as she went. She reached for the doorknob, her hand hovering just above it, debating if she really wanted to open it, even if it was to tell Elliot to go home.

"I'm fine," she said through the door. "Go home, Elliot."

"Open the door."

"Go home."

"Not until you open the door."

Olivia rolled her eyes, unlocked the deadbolt, and unlatched the chain before opening the door just enough to see him standing in the hall. "There. You can go home now."

"Jesus, Liv, you look-"

"Like shit? Thanks. I know. Way to make a girl feel better."

"I'm sorry. Can I come in?"

"Elliot, just go home. You just got back. Go see your kids and your wife."

"Did you eat yet?" He asked, coming closer to the door.

"No. I'm fine. I'm not hungry."

"Cragen told me what happened. I wanted to come see how you were doing," Elliot sighed. "Liv, let me get you something to eat. I'll feel better knowing you at least tonight. Then if you want me gone, I'll go. If you want to talk, I'll listen."

Olivia hung her head and stepped aside, pulling the door open wide as she did. She wasn't going to get rid of him until he was satisfied she was alright. She watched as he entered and looked around. His eyes seemed to go straight to the bourbon bottle sitting on her coffee table.

"So what are you feeling? Chinese? Pizza? Thai? Mexican?" Elliot rattled off as he shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the coat rake.

"Doesn't matter," Olivia shrugged as she closed the door and retreated to her spot on the couch.

"Pizza it is," Elliot said, pulling out his phone and grabbing one of the menus Olivia had hanging from her refrigerator. After ordering a large pepperoni pizza and a side of breadsticks, Elliot joined her on the couch, his eyes fixated on her. "You're drunk."

"Not yet," Olivia responded, reaching for the bottle. Elliot grabbed it before she could get to it and screwed the lid back on before pushing it out of her reach.

"You know drinking isn't going to help. What happened today, Liv?"

"You already know," Olivia responded, her eyes avoiding his and staring at the carpet. "I could have stopped her. I could have searched her for another weapon. I didn't do enough."

"Liv, there's no way you could have known she was going to do that," Elliot reassured her. "No one could have seen that coming."

"She had this look of surprise after she pulled the trigger," Olivia said. "Like she realized she was making a mistake."

Elliot hunched forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "I once saw a buddy of mine eat his own gun," Elliot began slowly. "While I was still in the marines, during Desert Storm." He closed his eyes and sighed. "The war made him...unhinged. I tried to talk him down, along with the rest of our unit, but it happened so quickly. I'll never forget the look on his face. I spent the rest of my tour wondering if there was something I could have done. Wondering if I missed the signs."

Olivia was surprised. Elliot rarely mentioned his time stationed overseas during the war. Olivia always suspected it was because of the trauma war left on him. She hadn't expected such a personal story. More importantly, Elliot knew exactly what she witnessed and what she was going through.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Olivia said softly.

"It's okay. I just wanted you to know that I understand."

There was a knock at the door and Elliot got up to answer it. He exchanged greetings with the pizza delivery boy and returned a minute later, setting the pizza and breadsticks down on the table. Olivia stared at the pizza box and couldn't stop the tears spilling over and buried her face in her hands. Knowing that Elliot understood her was everything. It was enough.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Elliot said softly, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "Come on, try to eat, okay?"

"Not hungry."

"Please, just a breadstick. For me."

Olivia wiped her eyes and took one of the breadsticks out of the box and nibbled on it as Elliot helped himself to a slice of pizza. He stood and grabbed the bottle of bourbon. Olivia watched him go into the kitchen and put the bottle back in the cabinet. He pulled a glass out of another cabinet and filled it with water before coming back to the couch.

"Here, drink. You need to keep hydrated."

Olivia took the glass and sipped the water before finishing her breadstick. She sat the glass down and sighed. "I don't know if I can ever unsee it," she said after a moment. "It keeps replaying over and over. I just want to forget it."

"You won't," Elliot said. "But you learn to cope with it. And you don't have to do it alone. I got your six. Always."

Olivia blinked back another round of tears. "Thank you," she said. She knew it was the alcohol taking over when leaned over and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. She felt his arms loop around her middle, pulling her closer. She let the tears flow freely and buried her face into his shoulder. He held her tightly, rubbing his hand up and down her back.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled as she pulled back. "I'm getting your shirt wet."

"Don't worry about it," Elliot said. "You okay? You still want me to go?"

Olivia shook her head. "Not yet. C-Can you stay? Just until I fall asleep?"

"Sure. Anything, Liv."

Olivia's lips turned upward slightly. "Thank you."

Elliot pulled her back to his side so she was resting her head on his shoulder. It was such a small gesture of comfort, but to Olivia, it was everything. It was enough.


End file.
